So it all began with a chocolate raindeer head..

Okay, so I'll be honest, this blog has nothing to do with the title. haha. :]

It's the new year and it seems that the thing to do is make a resolution. Come up with something that you're going to do throughout the year to make yourself, or your life, better. And I'm not going to lie, I've been thinking a lot about what needs to change in my life. And I've realized a lot.

Sometimes as a growing Christian I seem to get so caught up in myself. All it takes is one little mishap and I feel as if I'm worth nothing. [which is true regardless] But I all too soon forget that Jesus makes me worth something. He gives me the strength to be something.

I've also noticed during my recent examining; that I'm struggling with the same thing I've been struggling with for a long time. Trust. Why is it so hard to trust the God of the universe with my life? I like to convince myself that I've given things to God. But it seems that the very next time something comes up, I grab everything back out of His hand. [have you seen "The Stool" video?] Why do I do that? Honestly, I have no idea. But I do know something..

God knows that we're not perfect. He made us with the ability to make our own choices so that we wouldn't be His robots. And we chose to disobey and be sinners. I cannot do anything right on my own.
But that's why I have Jesus. He gave me the gift of grace. I once heard a youth pastor say something like, "So often we become obsessed with trying to be just like Jesus. We can't! It's impossible to be just like Him..we are sinners." Which I agree with completely. I can never measure up to what God would require.
That's why I have Jesus. I am made perfect in my weakness because His strength shines through. He promises to be everything I'll ever need. He'll never leave me. And He always forgives me when I come to Him.
The hardest part for me, is remembering that. A million different songs have been popping up as I've been dealing with my recent struggles. And one that I heard today, by Relient K, said:
~I've a reputation, for replacing, my confidence with fear.~
Boy did Matt hit me right on the head with that one! :) So much lately I've been questioning everything. And it makes me afraid. I seem to *know* everything that God promises. But I freak myself out by thinking it's hard to actually *believe* it. Wrong again.
[i know I'm getting kinda lengthy, but I'm almost finished. i promise ;)]
Faith is not feeling. I actually looked up the word last night in our family's dictionary. And it's definition pretty much said "trusting without reason" [okay that was a paraphrase. but it was the point. i promise. lol] And it was like a light went off! It is not always easy to trust God. But I know that I know that I know He always keeps His word. One thing that He also promised is that being a Christian is not always easy. In fact, it's super hard sometimes. But that's where we insert the trust factor. And when we trust Him, when it's hard, is when He shows us some super stellar stuff. So even though it's hard, I'm going to hold on to the fact that I'm not believing in some made up fantasy. My God is real, and He does do awesome stuff. And He does love me.

~We are healing But it's killing us inside Can we take a chance? When faith and fear collide We can make it Step out and take it We can't live feeling so numb How long can we hold on? Can we hold on? Hold on There's something deep inside That keeps my faith alive When all you can doIs hide from the fear That's deep inside of you Something, something, something Something, something, something To hold me close when I don't know There's something deep inside That keeps my faith alive~
Skillet-Collide