My Passion.

This is a paper I wrote for English class, and I'm actually surprised at how good it is. So I thought I'd share it with ya'll.

I think you all can, and will agree with me when I say that music is a part of everyone’s life. In fact, I think it would be quite a challenge to find someone who actually does not enjoy music. There are so many different genres of music that relate to all different kinds of people; it’s almost impossible for someone to not like any of it.

Now granted, there are those “music freaks” out there who claim to love everything from rap to rock to alternative. (I would be one of them) But then, there are also people who love country, and that’s just weird. But what I’m trying to get across is that these genres ensure that everybody at least has a certain band or song that they enjoy.

With that being said, I’m reminded of the Christian genre of music. Religious music has always been a part of everyone’s culture in some way. But when the Contemporary Christian music movement began, a lot of it was, well... cheesy. Now that I’ve said that I’m happy to say that Christian music has indeed come a long way. It’s no longer the cheesy, rhyming song, that’s made up of about three guitar chords; singing of a life of sunflowers and happiness that never faces pain. There are now Christian artists in every genre you can think of, and there is a lot of talent behind their ministries. Christian band are also starting to get a lot more recognition for their talent and growing popularity.

All of this is actually a great thing! Music influences a lot of people. And there are tons of people who would never purposely step foot into a church, but they’d definitely listen to a new band or song. So with so many good Christian bands sharing hope through their music; there are now many, many more witnessing opportunities for these types of people.

Not only are these opportunities available in a larger scale now, but many times they bring results. There are countless stories of people who have been ministered to unsuspectingly through music. And the cool thing about Christian artists is that they don’t just sing music that touches people, but they also have their own personal testimonies of God in their life. A lot of times when people like music they want to know more about the artist behind it; and that opens a great opportunity to share Christ. There’s nothing better when sharing Jesus with someone than a person who walks the walk and lives their faith out loud, all the time.

Concerts are another awesome opportunity to share Jesus. When you go to a concert you’re probably excited to be there to see at least one of the bands playing; otherwise you wouldn’t be at the concert. And I know from experience how thrilling a good concert can be. So this gives Christian musicians an opportunity to tell fans why they’re writing the songs they’re writing, what the songs mean, or how God’s worked in their lives. It’s just a different kind of atmosphere and people are more likely to listen and connect with what’s being said.

I honestly believe that God uses music in powerful ways in people’s lives. And it thrills me to no end whenever I hear a story of a life being changed through music that at some point pointed them to God when maybe nothing else could have. It just blows me away!

So I’m going to wrap this up, but I want to make sure you know I don’t think it’s an easy task to share Jesus through music. In fact, I’m convinced it’s quite the challenge. You have to work extra hard to make sure your heart is right, and you’re motives are pure. But when you do keep your heart right, and in tune with God; big, crazy things happen. And when people have a passion for Jesus and a passion for music, and they in turn give themselves to God for His use, great things do happen. And lives are changed forever.

Man, I'm done with cool.

:not once in life have i been real. but I've never felt this close before:

It's a crazy thought.

For my whole life I've been working, striving, and trying to make myself into someone that I thought I was. The cool person who has it all together, yet is full of layers. The person who's significant and loved. The person who doesn't care what everyone thinks; and yet spends her life working to make sure they think that. The person who tried to define herself by the things she loved. did. and wanted. Because that would make her real.

Well I'm learning lately that, contrary to what I believed, that is not the real me. In fact, I don't know very much at all about the real me. I've been living a lie that was so thick, I had even believed it. Isn't that a scary thought?

But imagine this: Jesus, the One who made my insides and outsides. The One who knows every single, teeny, little thing about me. He has been by my side through all of this. And He's the only one who knows the real me. The right me. The me that He wants me to be.

I'll be honest with you. I was shocked when I realized my own illegitimacy. And at first I was scared because I didn't know even where to begin to find myself. But the incredible thing is that I was immediately reminded Jesus is always right here. (and He's always the best place to start.)

So now I'm on a process. A process to become the real, legitimate, person that Jesus made me to be. And it's tough, because I'm finding out that I can't be defined by what I do; what I like; and the hardest one to chew on, what I listen to. Because, to my surprise, I'm so much more than that. And though it requires letting go of a lot. In fact, letting go of everything. And it's going to hurt a little; probably a lot at some points. I know, deep down in my heart, that letting Jesus make me, me.. is the best plan I could ever go with.

It won't be easy. I've already found that out. But good things seldom are easy.

Rocks don't turn into beautiful stones without fire.

People don't grow without pain.

matthew 16:24. hebrews 12:1-8. psalm 139. romans 9:25

"Behold, I come quickly!"

Today I realized how long it's been since I've blogged. ;) Life gets crazy, and Facebook steals my time. So I apologize to those three people in the world who ever glance at my blog..

Today is also a good day for me to stumble into my blog, because I actually have something to say that may be worth reading. At church today my Pastor talked about Jesus second coming. He talked about how Jesus coming back is: definite, it's been delayed, and immanent. And the whole message had a major effect on me.
I've always been taught about Jesus coming back. And I've always heard people say things like "He's coming soon! Be ready!" But today I was actually persuaded that Jesus will be coming back, very soon. (If you're curious for more from the message, let me know and we'll talk.)
This realization didn't produce the feeling in me I would have liked it to. I'm scared. And I'm sort of upset about it.
As my Pastor talked about how soon Jesus may come back he said things like "Kids, some of you may not even graduate College. Some of you won't get married or have children."
"Wait God," I thought. "What's the deal? You know I want those things more than anything--"
Oh. Yikes.
Then I thought, "So what does this mean? All these passions I have, and the things I want to do are nothing? I just get jipped out of doing all that I can for you?"
I'm a pretty selfish person, aren't I?
And then I started thinking about how I'm kind of doing nothing for Jesus' kingdom. I need to start living. Cause I'm not living right now. I'm planning. I need to really get out there and let Jesus use me now. Because I may miss my chance. And that may upset me, but who am I to question the Most High? Who am I to let my fears get in the way of Him doing great things through me: Right now?

A few weeks ago I had an amazing God encounter, just praying to Him by myself. And one thing that He told me was: "Don't Be Afraid." At the time I thought He was talking about something else. But I see now that those words were meant for right now.
I need to surrender.
I need to not be afraid.
& I need to make sure that Jesus is my first love. Because, after today I can see that I've let Him slip down my list of priorities.

a Hope in the Darkness.

It was a crisp, fall day. The kind of day where the sky is shining blue, the grass is bright green, and the leaves on the trees are so orange and red that you wish you could take a million photographs. A girl was on her way to something new. She wished she could tell you what that was, but that would have been impossible. She had been walking for hours, taking everything in. breathing. Her wavy dark hair blew with the breeze, and as she came to a clearing she looked up. There stood a huge, red barn. It had two great big, wooden, sliding doors. And it looked as if it had been painted yesterday.

“How?” she wondered, “how could it look so nice? No one lives out here.” She slowly approached the building, wondering if possibly she had wandered onto private property and should turn away. Inside though, she knew that she was somehow exactly where she needed to be. She slowly lifted her hand, and gently touched the big red door. It was as if everything were in slow motion. Next she brought her other hand to join the first. Then as if taken over by a burst of energy, she slid the door with all her might; and, and.. it opened!

She stood in awe for a moment at what she saw inside. Then she walked in.

Inside were shelves and shelves of books. Books of all sorts, different sizes, different colors; but all in perfect condition. She walked in cautiously, though less unsure now. When she got to the middle of the Barn she looked up, and there she saw a loft. And in the loft was a man. He was sitting in a big, leather chair, looking down happily at her.

She looked down at herself and then back at him, trying to figure out why he was looking at her with such a contented look. Though some people in this situation would have been frightened, the girl was quite at ease. She looked around and saw the latter to the loft, and then she walked towards it.

“No need.” The man said when he saw where she was headed. “I’ll be right down.”

And with the most graceful movements the girl had ever seen, the calm man made his way down to her. When he was beside her, she realized how big this man was. But not a strange big, or even a scary big. It was a comforting big. His kindness was as evident as his power. She couldn’t stop looking at him. He chuckled.

“You don’t know exactly what it is you’re looking at, do you?” He asked.

She hardly felt worthy enough to speak so she slowly shook her head.

“All of this,” He said as if he had already knew what she was going to say. “Is yours. Each one of these books has everything about you, everything you’ve ever learned, and everything you’ve felt in them. And then the rest of the books are things that you’ve yet to learn, experience, and feel.”

Her eyes grew wide. She looked around her and there were so many books she couldn’t even count them all. Could this possibly be true?

“But.. how?” she whispered.

“Oh, it’s very easy to understand. If you’re willing.” The man said again with a smile. “you see, I am your Keeper. I know everything about you; where you’ve been and where you’re going..”

“But that,” she interrupted. “That’s exactly what astonishes me. I’m not so sure I can go on. I’m not so sure it’s worth it anymore.”

The man smiled to himself, almost with a sadness, then he put his big, sturdy arm around the girl and continued:

“Don’t you see? I know you can go on. That’s why you’re here. You may think it’s not worth it to take another breath. But look.. Look at all of the books. You’ve got so much left that I have written for you. It’s not over, trust me.”

She was still confused, but inside of her she knew it would be foolish to not believe this Man.

“Won’t you trust me?” he asked again. “You’ve got so much more to live for.”

She looked around once more, and then looked for the first time into the eyes of the Man. She almost lost her footing, his eyes were so deep. So full of a love that she had never experienced before. This was a love she has often longed for, but never found. And not only was there love, but there was truth. A deep truth in His eyes that made her believe.

She smiled. “Yes, yes I think I will.”

The Man smiled and laughed a hearty laugh full of joy. Then He hugged her with a big hug and said, “I promise you, if you keep trusting me, we’ll make it out alive.”

Suddenly everything went dark. The girl opened her eyes and she was back on the bedroom floor. She could see the shadows from the streetlights outside, and she could hear the rain pounding on the window. The blood was still fresh, and the room still lacked another human. But now she had a peace. There was Someone who was with her, this was going to be okay. She slowly sat up, still feeling dizzy from the pills. She tried to prop herself up, but her arm was still stinging. She leaned against the bed and looked to her right. There, on her nightstand, was a bible. She had never seen it before. She reached over and grabbed it, then opened it, and then she read it.

Life moves on even when we feel like it should stop.

Too many times feelings become truth in our lives.

It's one thing to know what you need to do; it's another to do it. And it's completely frustrating when you won't allow yourself to see what it is you actually need to do.

Is it wrong to crave trials? haha. My flesh and my Spirit both are confused by this thought that enters my mind. Trials. I looked up that word and here's one of the many definitions i found:

A state of pain or anguish that tests patience, endurance, or belief

So why would I ever want trials? They hurt, they pull, they push, they shove. They draw me closer to Jesus. In God's word we're often told that trials grow our faith. They teach us things, they make us better. My flesh is still saying "NO!", but my Spirit is starting to be less hesitant.

Now I'm not saying I want my world to fall apart. But I do want to wake up. I want to move on, I want to escape this rut I've dug for myself. I know I need to go somewhere but I can't seem to take the time to listen for God's voice and to hear where He wants me.

Surrender.

To give up or give back (something that has been granted)

Aha! That's it. That's what surrender in the Christian life is all about. God gave us this life. We're nothing but dust that He breathed existence into. So I don't really want to encounter trials in my faith. But I know that they come. And since they haven't, my wandering mind wanders into the world of curiosity about whether something is wrong..

I've always had a problem with surrender. It's because I'm a prideful person who likes to have control. Aren't we all? i don't know. But I do long to let go. None of this is mine. It's all His anyway. Who am I to hold onto it? Who am I not to surrender?

i'm not anyone. i have no excuses. you think i'd just let it go.

-For there is Love that is as strong as death. Jealousy demanding as the grave. And many waters cannot quench this Love. I won't relent until You have it all. My heart is Yours. I wont relent until You have it all. My heart is Yours.

Come be the Fire inside of me! come be the Flame upon my heart..-

"Then Jesus said to HIs disciples, 'If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross, and follow Me." -Matthew16:24

We're Right At The End, So Here We Go Again.

~The sun rests gently on the horizion, sending a orange and pink glow all across the sky. I feel the breeze on my face and I simply breathe. The Presence I long for is drawing closer; though It's always around, I can't always feel it. I feel tired, blessed, hesitant, and excited. But this Presence is the thing I need. it brings the beauty and it holds my heart~

So I can hardly believe that summer is over. So much happened, when I try to think over it all I easily get overwhelmed. I feel like I've learned a lot. And I've been so blessed. :) This past week especially so (only "especially so" because it's fresh in my mind). It was my church's VBS and I taught a station called "Service Showcase". I love Vacation Bible School so much. It's so extremely tiring, but I adore it. I love the kids, I love being goofy, I love giving prizes, and I simply love watching kids learn about and worship Jesus. It really makes my heart soar!

A lot has changed this summer as well. I feel like I'm entering into a whole new life. haha, which I am in a way. I'm skeptical, only because I am not good with change. But I'm trying my hardest to trust Jesus and let Him get me through. That's another thing I'll really treasure from this summer. This summer I feel like I've been re-introduced to Jesus in a way. Before my faith had grown stale. I was basically going through the motions because it's all I've ever known. But after Delta this summer I get excited just when I think of Jesus' name. I can't even explain it. I'm trying harder to put Him first, and I'm seeing the difference in my life. I know it's so hard to get out of a rut in your Christian life, no matter what it is. Especially if it's the rut of apathy. But once you break that it's incredible. I pray I'll continue to grow in this direction. And as I go into this next school year, and the beginning of many things, I'm working on trusting God. Trusting Him to hold me, use me, grow me, and provide for me. Which I know He will.

There Is Always Hope.