Life moves on even when we feel like it should stop.

Too many times feelings become truth in our lives.

It's one thing to know what you need to do; it's another to do it. And it's completely frustrating when you won't allow yourself to see what it is you actually need to do.

Is it wrong to crave trials? haha. My flesh and my Spirit both are confused by this thought that enters my mind. Trials. I looked up that word and here's one of the many definitions i found:

A state of pain or anguish that tests patience, endurance, or belief

So why would I ever want trials? They hurt, they pull, they push, they shove. They draw me closer to Jesus. In God's word we're often told that trials grow our faith. They teach us things, they make us better. My flesh is still saying "NO!", but my Spirit is starting to be less hesitant.

Now I'm not saying I want my world to fall apart. But I do want to wake up. I want to move on, I want to escape this rut I've dug for myself. I know I need to go somewhere but I can't seem to take the time to listen for God's voice and to hear where He wants me.

Surrender.

To give up or give back (something that has been granted)

Aha! That's it. That's what surrender in the Christian life is all about. God gave us this life. We're nothing but dust that He breathed existence into. So I don't really want to encounter trials in my faith. But I know that they come. And since they haven't, my wandering mind wanders into the world of curiosity about whether something is wrong..

I've always had a problem with surrender. It's because I'm a prideful person who likes to have control. Aren't we all? i don't know. But I do long to let go. None of this is mine. It's all His anyway. Who am I to hold onto it? Who am I not to surrender?

i'm not anyone. i have no excuses. you think i'd just let it go.

-For there is Love that is as strong as death. Jealousy demanding as the grave. And many waters cannot quench this Love. I won't relent until You have it all. My heart is Yours. I wont relent until You have it all. My heart is Yours.

Come be the Fire inside of me! come be the Flame upon my heart..-

"Then Jesus said to HIs disciples, 'If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross, and follow Me." -Matthew16:24