:not once in life have i been real. but I've never felt this close before:
It's a crazy thought.
For my whole life I've been working, striving, and trying to make myself into someone that I thought I was. The cool person who has it all together, yet is full of layers. The person who's significant and loved. The person who doesn't care what everyone thinks; and yet spends her life working to make sure they think that. The person who tried to define herself by the things she loved. did. and wanted. Because that would make her real.
Well I'm learning lately that, contrary to what I believed, that is not the real me. In fact, I don't know very much at all about the real me. I've been living a lie that was so thick, I had even believed it. Isn't that a scary thought?
But imagine this: Jesus, the One who made my insides and outsides. The One who knows every single, teeny, little thing about me. He has been by my side through all of this. And He's the only one who knows the real me. The right me. The me that He wants me to be.
I'll be honest with you. I was shocked when I realized my own illegitimacy. And at first I was scared because I didn't know even where to begin to find myself. But the incredible thing is that I was immediately reminded Jesus is always right here. (and He's always the best place to start.)
So now I'm on a process. A process to become the real, legitimate, person that Jesus made me to be. And it's tough, because I'm finding out that I can't be defined by what I do; what I like; and the hardest one to chew on, what I listen to. Because, to my surprise, I'm so much more than that. And though it requires letting go of a lot. In fact, letting go of everything. And it's going to hurt a little; probably a lot at some points. I know, deep down in my heart, that letting Jesus make me, me.. is the best plan I could ever go with.
It won't be easy. I've already found that out. But good things seldom are easy.
Rocks don't turn into beautiful stones without fire.
People don't grow without pain.
matthew 16:24. hebrews 12:1-8. psalm 139. romans 9:25
wow...you sound alot like my daughter, shelby!. Emily goes to our church and I have a blog...Christian, Can we Talk? http://christiancanwetalk.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteI think the whole blog is cool..but I may be biased..LOL...any whoooo....we have a TEEN thursday...my daughter hosts it. I encourage you to come and share your thoughts and comments about that weeks "Hot Topic". there is something every day. Soulful Sunday...doing a book "Lies Women Believe"..it is a great book, Music for the heart Monday...that is where you post the URL to a song you like from youtube.com and I put it up on the post, Prayerful Tuesday, TRUTH Wednesday Anne Morgan is sharing lessons from "The Truth Project" from Focus on The Family, TEEN Thursday, Devotional Friday, Share the Road Saturdy. See, lots of stuff! I also asked for some Teen blogs! I want to make a link for some good CHRISTIAN teen blogs that other teens can go and read. Emily suggested you..and I see why. I am going to follow you and if you come visit my blog...you will see "Today Shelby Says" in a blog list...that is from my daughter. I think you guys might have a lot in common. If you like the blog...share it with your friends! Ok, this has now become a novel..so I will go. Shelby and I really enjoyed reading this...keep writing. you have NO idea who will come across this while they are "surfing" the web and be inspired or even come to Christ!
Tonya
Here is my daughter's blog:
ReplyDeletehttp://todayshelbysays.blogspot.com/