Become Who You Are; It Happens Once In A Lifetime.

the music plays through my mind. and it's like the melody is flooding through my veins. am i the only one who's effected by this in such a powerful way? it doesn't even matter. i gasp for breath and i close my eyes. i want to scream; i want to run; this is what i was made for.

i promise. i promise.

and yet with such a strong drive, i still get confused as to where i belong. is this really what i'm made for? could i just be fooling myself? who's actually fooling who? because sometimes it gets cloudy, and i'm not sure what's happening around me. nevertheless, there is one thing i know.

and that's Jesus.

it's funny. i can get myself so confused trying to figure out my life. trying to figure out who i am. trying to figure out what's so significant about me. trying to figure out what i've got to offer. and then all it takes is one simple call,

"Jesus, i need You."

and there He is. and it becomes so much clearer. it doesn't always become obvious. in fact it's almost yet to ever be obvious. but in Jesus i have peace. because i know that He knows. i know that i know that He knows. and i know that He has such a big plan for me.

i'm promised. i'm promised.

and so i let it flow. i let myself get excited. i let myself rest in Him. and i try to surrender everything else. because He is going to work everything out in His time. and for now even though i feel like i don't know anything, i know He knows it all. and that's all i need to know.

We're Right At The End, So Here We Go Again.

~The sun rests gently on the horizion, sending a orange and pink glow all across the sky. I feel the breeze on my face and I simply breathe. The Presence I long for is drawing closer; though It's always around, I can't always feel it. I feel tired, blessed, hesitant, and excited. But this Presence is the thing I need. it brings the beauty and it holds my heart~

So I can hardly believe that summer is over. So much happened, when I try to think over it all I easily get overwhelmed. I feel like I've learned a lot. And I've been so blessed. :) This past week especially so (only "especially so" because it's fresh in my mind). It was my church's VBS and I taught a station called "Service Showcase". I love Vacation Bible School so much. It's so extremely tiring, but I adore it. I love the kids, I love being goofy, I love giving prizes, and I simply love watching kids learn about and worship Jesus. It really makes my heart soar!

A lot has changed this summer as well. I feel like I'm entering into a whole new life. haha, which I am in a way. I'm skeptical, only because I am not good with change. But I'm trying my hardest to trust Jesus and let Him get me through. That's another thing I'll really treasure from this summer. This summer I feel like I've been re-introduced to Jesus in a way. Before my faith had grown stale. I was basically going through the motions because it's all I've ever known. But after Delta this summer I get excited just when I think of Jesus' name. I can't even explain it. I'm trying harder to put Him first, and I'm seeing the difference in my life. I know it's so hard to get out of a rut in your Christian life, no matter what it is. Especially if it's the rut of apathy. But once you break that it's incredible. I pray I'll continue to grow in this direction. And as I go into this next school year, and the beginning of many things, I'm working on trusting God. Trusting Him to hold me, use me, grow me, and provide for me. Which I know He will.

Creatures of Habit? Eh..No Biggy

Our lives are full of habits. Every single day we do things mainly out of habit; wake up at the same time (for the most part..lol) every morning, brush our teeth, eat, use the bathroom...So yeah, I admit we need to do these things, but they're still habits. Humans are even known as creatures of habit. But how many habits do we have that we should maybe be rid of (in our physical and spiritual lives)?
Think about this:
What if every time you went to the bathroom you brushed your teeth? Interesting thought. It's kind of a different routine is it not? Soon enough this would become a habit, but not necessarily a bad one right? In fact both of these things are very important in a life of good hygiene..
This is how It goes with a lot of people (not excluding myself). They discover something not bad, and or maybe easy, in and of its self and they put tons of effort into it. You think, "This is great! It's a good thing, and I'm doing it. God must be so proud of me.." But what if this good thing is keeping you from something even better? Let's go back to the bathroom-
Now, what if this new habit of brushing your teeth kept you from washing your hands? (eek!) Yeah, suddenly this "not bad" habit turns into something that is keeping you from the "best" habit you could adopt after using the bathroom.
In our lives it's so easy to focus on things that we think are good, and then assume that they're God's will for our lives. Or maybe even if we know they aren't God's will, we still do them because they're safe, and "not bad". Lets take the time to search our lives, our hearts, and God's heart to see what needs to change in our lives in order for God to really use us. His plans are so much bigger than ours, and so often our little heads and habits get in the way. I think for God to really use us for all that He has, we have to surrender every single little habit to Him. And I hope and pray we'll all do that more and more as we grow.
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

To Revise, Is To Realize.

Well, I'm not exactly sure how much I want to say right now. So I'll just give you a peek at what I've been learning lately..

1. Satan really does want me to fail.
2. Jesus is always there, even when I can't see Him at all.
3. It's not all about me. In fact, it's not even about me at all.
4. I've been sitting back for too long.

I think I've been learning more than that. But that's all I'll share for now.
All I know is that my faith is really being tested. But I'm determined to win the battle. One day at a time, and with Jesus carrying me through every step. I've realized I can't do anything on my own; and life is pretty much miserable when I even try to. But I've also realized that I have to control my own emotions, and I have to decide to hold on to the truth. I'm finding that no matter how many times a lie is screamed, it won't [and it can't] change the truth. And I'm realizing I need to ignore the lies.

I'm ready to start doing big things. I may say that a lot, [especially with all the excitement of a new year] but this time one of the big things I do, is going to be not falling back into a lazy state. Time is too valuable. God has such big plans, and awesome things in store. Are we..am I..going to just sit back and miss out because I'm comfortable? [I've actually become quite uncomfortable recently] No. I'm not.

Won't you join me?

So it all began with a chocolate raindeer head..

Okay, so I'll be honest, this blog has nothing to do with the title. haha. :]

It's the new year and it seems that the thing to do is make a resolution. Come up with something that you're going to do throughout the year to make yourself, or your life, better. And I'm not going to lie, I've been thinking a lot about what needs to change in my life. And I've realized a lot.

Sometimes as a growing Christian I seem to get so caught up in myself. All it takes is one little mishap and I feel as if I'm worth nothing. [which is true regardless] But I all too soon forget that Jesus makes me worth something. He gives me the strength to be something.

I've also noticed during my recent examining; that I'm struggling with the same thing I've been struggling with for a long time. Trust. Why is it so hard to trust the God of the universe with my life? I like to convince myself that I've given things to God. But it seems that the very next time something comes up, I grab everything back out of His hand. [have you seen "The Stool" video?] Why do I do that? Honestly, I have no idea. But I do know something..

God knows that we're not perfect. He made us with the ability to make our own choices so that we wouldn't be His robots. And we chose to disobey and be sinners. I cannot do anything right on my own.
But that's why I have Jesus. He gave me the gift of grace. I once heard a youth pastor say something like, "So often we become obsessed with trying to be just like Jesus. We can't! It's impossible to be just like Him..we are sinners." Which I agree with completely. I can never measure up to what God would require.
That's why I have Jesus. I am made perfect in my weakness because His strength shines through. He promises to be everything I'll ever need. He'll never leave me. And He always forgives me when I come to Him.
The hardest part for me, is remembering that. A million different songs have been popping up as I've been dealing with my recent struggles. And one that I heard today, by Relient K, said:
~I've a reputation, for replacing, my confidence with fear.~
Boy did Matt hit me right on the head with that one! :) So much lately I've been questioning everything. And it makes me afraid. I seem to *know* everything that God promises. But I freak myself out by thinking it's hard to actually *believe* it. Wrong again.
[i know I'm getting kinda lengthy, but I'm almost finished. i promise ;)]
Faith is not feeling. I actually looked up the word last night in our family's dictionary. And it's definition pretty much said "trusting without reason" [okay that was a paraphrase. but it was the point. i promise. lol] And it was like a light went off! It is not always easy to trust God. But I know that I know that I know He always keeps His word. One thing that He also promised is that being a Christian is not always easy. In fact, it's super hard sometimes. But that's where we insert the trust factor. And when we trust Him, when it's hard, is when He shows us some super stellar stuff. So even though it's hard, I'm going to hold on to the fact that I'm not believing in some made up fantasy. My God is real, and He does do awesome stuff. And He does love me.

~We are healing But it's killing us inside Can we take a chance? When faith and fear collide We can make it Step out and take it We can't live feeling so numb How long can we hold on? Can we hold on? Hold on There's something deep inside That keeps my faith alive When all you can doIs hide from the fear That's deep inside of you Something, something, something Something, something, something To hold me close when I don't know There's something deep inside That keeps my faith alive~
Skillet-Collide