Back Up The Bus..

Alright, bear with me right now.. I'm having flashbacks to late summer 2007. I'm emailing a dear friend, listening to TFK, and just chilling. I love how certain music, especially certain songs, can totally transport you to another time. It's so crazy how the mind works. And there's also something awesome about how these songs bring me back, and then suddenly I'm overcome by how far God's brought me. Sometimes, still, I so easily get down on myself. And I feel like I'm such a mess.

I am such a mess! -there I go.

But you know what I'm learning this week (for probably the millionth time.)? I'm never going to get it on my own. I'm never going to be good enough. And that's the point! If I were ever able to be good enough, I wouldn't need Jesus. I've been reading a lot in Ephesians, and I was reading Galatians tonight too. It's so incredible. Because Jesus loved me so much He died for me while I was a mess.. fully knowing I'd always be a mess! And who am I to think that after being given a free gift of Grace that allows me to live, who am I to think that I'll be able to grow or progress in that grace by my own strength? If it were about my own strength, I would have never received the grace! That's such a hard thing to grasp. But it's so freeing! It's so miraculous.

Being confident of this that He [Jesus] who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. - Philippians 1:6

"My biggest mistake in life has been overlooking the Joy that's right in front of me."

With summer on the horizon and Switchfoot live on the radio, I strangely find myself in the mood to write. What will I write? I'm not sure anyone could ever know. But together we'll find out. - It's interesting in life how we go through cycles. We learn one lesson; climb one mountain; love one fashion; and then we move on. Later though, as if life's originality is limited to only a few different schemes, things come back again. And we feel as if we're right back where we started. Learning the same lessons we broke over before, and trying the same things that caused failure the last time. Is this life? Is this what everyone faces? I wouldn't be surprised. But this cycle of which I speak, is the very thing that frustrates my heart. It's what causes me more trouble than I know what to deal with. Because as I think of, talk about, and live this cycle; I have the constant reminder that Jesus died to set me free from this. He gave everything He had, only for me. And just so that my life would be more than this. More than a silly cycle that causes scars I can't heal on my own. If only I could trust Him. Is that the answer? I feel like it must be. Because Jesus is always the answer. And even though I cannot comprehend it; He's always faithful.

I think the answer being right in front of me may be what makes life so simply complex.

I have the power to be a winner, I have the answer to the question; I have the key that will lead me to the source of peace. And yet I look past it every time the wind blows me over.

and that's exactly why I know this: I am not my own. nothing I do will ever last, because I can't do anything right. so what makes me think the right things that I happen to be apart of are myself? only a fool would be convinced of such.

So I'll pick myself up again every time. And I'll grab hold, again, to the Hand that won't let me go.

How refreshing. How peculiar. How spectacular.

This is my hope.

john 10:10.