my flag is turning white.

So awhile ago I read a book called "Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot. (Fantastic read, definitely check it out.) And it really touched me. Just today I stumbled upon a segment that I shared with some of my close friends and again I was really moved. Here's the portion I shared with them:

The growth of all living green things wonderfully represents the process of receiving and relinquishing, gaining and losing, living and dying. The seed must be a splitting and a breaking in order for a bud to form. The bud "lets go" when the flower forms. The calyx lets go of the flower. The petals must curl up and die in order for the fruit to form. The fruit falls, splits, relinquishes the seed. The seed falls into the ground...

There is no ongoing spiritual life without this process of letting go. At the precise point where we refuse, growth stops. If we hold rightly to anything given to us, unwilling to let it go when the times come to let it go or unwilling to allow it to be used as the Giver means it to be used, we stunt the growth of the soul.

It is easy to make a mistake here. "If God gave it to me," we say, "its mine. I can do what I want with it." No. The truth is that it is ours to thank Him for and ours to offer back to Him, ours to relinquish, ours to lose, ours to let go of -- if we want to find our true selves, if we want real Life, if our hearts are set on glory.

Think of the self that God has given as an acorn. It is a marvelous little thing, a perfect shape, perfectly designed for its purpose, perfectly functional. Think of the grand glory of an oak tree. God's intention when He made the acorn was the oak tree. His intention of us is "...the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ." Many deaths must go into our reaching that measure, many letting-goes. When you look at the oak tree, you don't feel that the "loss of the acorn is a very great loss. The more you perceive God's purpose in your life the less terrible will the losses seem.

...

We (are) being asked to trust, to leave the planning to God. God's ultimate plan (is) as far beyond our imaginings as the oak tree is from the acorn's imaginings. The acorn does what it was made to do, without pestering its Maker with questions about when and how and why. We who have been given an intelligence and a will and a whole range of wants that can be set against the diving Pattern for Good are asked to believe Him. We are given the chance to trust Him when He says to us, "...if any man will let himself be lost for my sake, he will find his true self."

When will we find it? we ask. The answer is, Trust Me.

How will we find it? The answer again is, Trust Me.

Why must I let myself be lost? we persist. The answer is, Look at the acorn and trust Me.

I love how this relates to me right now; again. Even though I learned a lesson once doesn't mean it's stuck. It's so important that I learn to let go. Surrender. It's kind of a funny thing for me. I try so hard to not try. But God's grace is always there. And I know, deep inside of me, that when I let it go to Him it's always better. It's always worth it. It's sometimes scary. And it usually involves even more risk and surrender down the line. But my Jesus is faithful and loving. And He always gets me through.

So even though something feels great now, and I'm wanting it more and more. I'm going to try my hardest to let it go. Because I know that Jesus is stronger; bigger; more. than what I'm holding onto. And when I trust Him, He works all things together for good. And not just my good! His good. And His good is ten times better than anything I could ever imagine.