I opened my eyes and I realized exactly where I was. Contrary to what I wished, I was right on the edge, teetering over, peaking into the dark abyss of selfishness and sorrow. I knew that the way I was heading, if I took one more step it could be fatal. I had been doing so well. Why is it that all of the sudden I opened my eyes and was about ready to enter a free fall into somewhere I didn't want to be? (1 Corinthians 10:12) Some would argue that I was catching it early, and that was good. But it was discouraging enough for me to know that I had gotten there at all. Why can't we be perfect?
I started to get upset, I wanted to cry out and I did but still my heart's habit of being human caused my prayers to only be half hearted. Sure I wanted to be saved from where I was, but I wanted to take the path that had led me to where I was. (Jeremiah 17:9)
Then here came the wind of guilt. How come that wind is so strong and unpredictable? Nevertheless it was there pushing against me, sliding me ever closer to the edge that I was already on. The tears started to brim; but then I closed my eyes and tensed up. Was this really going to happen..? Am I really going to let it all blow away?
. . .
Suddenly it was all so clear. The wind seemed to pause and I heard a beautiful sound, which led to a glorious thought. My Protector is right there with me. He'd never left. Which maybe I had known all along.. But there was one thing I'd forgotten. He loved me. He loves me.
The wind went away, and I was slowly pulled away from the edge. His love changed everything. It stopped my decline in its tracks. I may have been quickly drawn to the edge, but just as quick I was reminded that the power of my Protector's love is greater than any mistake that seems to be staring me down. I relaxed when I was reminded He was there, then He got me back on the right track. And His love made it all okay.
Have you encountered this love?
The love that is stronger than anything you're dealing with?
He loves us.
Ah, I love that song :) And I can really understand your heart in what you wrote. It reminds me of something God has been teaching me.
ReplyDeleteI was reading in 1 Kings 19 about how Elijah was afraid of Ahab and Jezebel and was fleeing from them. So at Horeb, the Mountain of God, God told Elijah that He was about to pass by. Elijah looked for God in many powerful things, like a wind, an earthquake, and a fire. But God was not in those things. Instead, He spoke to Elijah in a gentle whisper. And Elijah heard God's quiet voice. And it was enough.
Though the powerful things may have produced fear and awe, God chose to speak so quietly that Elijah had to really be listening to hear Him. God chose to speak in a way that reminded Elijah of His love-- that He was with him, even in Elijah's fear.
For me, so many times I'm waiting for God to scream at me and sweep me away and turn me around suddenly, that I miss His quiet voice that whispers His love. Too often, I'm just not paying attention!
Anyway, I'm praying for you, Hannah :) And I miss you! Are you coming on the 15th?
Ah, Kelsey :) thank you so much for adding that!
ReplyDeleteAnd I miss you too! I should be coming on the 15th, that's my plan so far. haha. You'll have to tell me all about Delta :)
love you!